The following relationship "advice" is purely satirical and meant for entertainment purposes only — please do not cite us in divorce court.

Each week, we'll be rounding up the internet's burning relationship questions and chiming in with our own two cents. From smelly first dates to "mucho escándelo," we've got y'all covered on what to do next.

This week, we're debuting a new "sex" edition.

My Partner Asked Me For A Blowjob, Then Told Me Not To Kiss Him Afterwards Unless I Gargle First

My sex partner right now asked me for a good blowjob for tomorrow's meetup, but he followed a reminder to not kiss him right after bj unless i gargle first. I liked to bj, but now I felt dirty and so turned off. Should I respect him? Or should I tell him he's such a mood ruiner. If he feels dirty of his own cum, what should I feel about it too?

Locked post. New comments cannot be posted.

[u/inariwhite]

As Reddit user LilMzB stated, "It's ok to not want to eat your own cum. No one is wrong for having that preference." We completely agree with our buddy here. Sex is a two-way street, and both parties should be allowed to express their desires and limits without fear of retaliation. So listen to your partner, and gargle up, because all parties should feel comfortable and have their needs meet during intercourse regardless of their gender. Read the rest of the thread here.

I Am Confused By Something My Boyfriend Did While Riding Him

I've only been on top of my boyfriend once or twice VERY briefly because I found it more comfortable for initial insertion. I recently tried riding him for longer and absolutely loved it. he was sitting up against the wall and I was bouncing on his lap. i was going pretty fast and i could tell he was enjoying it a LOT. out of nowhere he stopped me and wrapped himself around me and started hugging me very tight while leaning us forward, this lasted like 7 seconds and he went back to normal. A while later he did the same thing and again a few minutes after that. It honestly felt great but I'm so confused what it was? why does he do this?

[u/Ihategoodthings]

Friends, we're gonna spare you from the comments on this one. Spoiler alert: basically everyone says he's doing this to last longer. Which is more than likely true, however, another interesting point was brought up. As corny as this may sound, a lot of Reddit users where quick to ask "Why didn't she just ask him?"

Indeed, as non-flashy as this might sound, communication during sex is very important. So reach for that cigarette, take a puff, sweetie, and ask him, "Hey, so I noticed you like to hug me during sex, and I was just wondering what this does for you?" Read the rest of the thread here.

My (M) Hook Up (F) Brought Up Multiple Insecurities Of Mine And I Can't Get Over It

I know this story is far out there and no one will probably believe me, but unfortunately this did happen. Two weeks ago I went on a first date with a woman I met on Hinge. After the date ended she found out I Ubered to the bar and she offered to drive me home. I figured I might as well save $20 and I let her take me. When we got to my place she invited herself in, one thing led to another, and we wound up hooking up. Unfortunately for me, it was not a good experience. She commented on multiple insecurities of mine and I can't get it out of my head now.

• When she went to take off my jeans she let out a sigh and said "all right, lets see what we're working with now". I immediately got super nervous because I knew she was going to judge me. I gave out a nervous chuckle and just said "not much I'm really sorry".

• We were going at it and she asked me to use my fingers instead because they were thicker.

• When we finished I was too nervous to ask her to leave and we were laying in my bed for like 1.5 hours. At one point she went, "Can I ask you a question? Did you previously lose a lot of weight?". I told her I did and asked her how she knew. She said "I can see the loose skin on your stomach" and proceeded to pinch my stomach.

• While we were laying in bed she asked me how many people I've been with. I tried to avoid the question but she persisted, and I eventually just told her I don't have much experience (the truth). She proceeded to tell me about the guys she has been with, along with the biggest guy she's been with. Who if she was being truthful about, is literally double me.

After what felt like an eternity she said she had work in the morning and she had to leave. I texted her the next day thanking her for a good time but saying I didn't think the connection was what I was looking for. I didn't think it'd be productive to ask what her problem was, so I left it at that.

Since then I just can't get everything she said/did out of my head. I told my therapist about it, and she apologized and said I ran into the most bizarre woman in the city, and that she promises most women would not do or say that. But to be honest, that isn't very helpful. I feel like now if I'm ever with someone again, I'm going to have to be worried about if they're actually grossed out by my loose skin, or disappointed with what I have, or if they're judging me like she did.

[u/Sufficient-Ice503]

Once again, we're gonna have to spare you the comment section cause everyone's just calling her a monster. Now, we're not saying we don't agree, but to be fair, she's also a bully too. Man, just let karma find her. We all have flaws, and may someone meaner than her point hers out too. If you have loose skin from losing weight, if you have a bill from therapy, you are clearly focused on improving yourself for the better and don't need people like her around. You got this, friend. Read the rest of the thread here.

The Sex I've (F) Been Having With My Boyfriend Has Been Pretty Bad. What Should I Do?

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months and started having sex around a month ago. Before him, I was a virgin. He, on the other hand, has had his fine share of sexual experiences.

Anyways, in the beginning I thought the main problem was me, because I was much less experienced. Now, looking at it, I have been doing everything I can to give him a nice time, but he isn't helping much.

For instance, we only have sex when I initiate it, and I do it roughly 90% of the time. When we are doing it, I try including some dirty talk, I offer him blow jobs, make eye contact, go on top and try different positions.

When I don't know how to do a position properly, I guide his hands through my body to help me out, or openly ask for his help. He helps for a little bit then goes back to just laying there.

Also, sex ends when he cums, and I've never had an orgasm with him. He has tried, but we both gave up after we spent nearly 2 hours getting my body ready with absolutely no results.

I tried vocalising that in various ways... by joking around, by explicitly telling him what I want or hinting it in a subtle way, but we still don't have good sex. What should I do?

[u/InevitableNormal4437]

As Reddit user hiddenthings stated, "Sounds like your boyfriend doesn't really want to explore with you or get better." Unfortunately, we have to agree with our friend here. But listen, this isn't the end of the world, and frankly, most people would kill to have a partner like you. So take this note as your doctor's excuse, breakup with him amicably and then find the person you deserve. Best of luck, sweetie. Read the rest of the thread here.

Oh no! We only have time for one more. Lucky caller number 252, you've reached the Digg relationship advice hotline, how may we help you?

My Boyfriend (35M) Of Three Months Masturbates Constantly But Won't Have Sex With Me (35F)

My bf and I (both 35) have only had sex 3 times in the 3 months we've been dating. The first time we slept together, it was great. However, it's come to the point where he won't try to initiate intimacy at all. Instead, he basically just puts his dick in my face for a BJ… no romancing, no foreplay, nothing. And he almost never finishes even when I do everything I can to get him off (even going up to an hour) but at the end, he will roll over, finish himself off with his hand, and then go to sleep without any attempts to satisfy me in any way. Day after day. Then I will hear him jerking off all night long, even in his sleep. He says he jerks off multiple times a day and he's so used to it that he can't finish any other way.

I have a very high sex drive so this is very frustrating for me. I've talked to him about it and we've since had sex 2 more times but he didn't finish either time. He's by no means out of shape but says sex is "too much work" for the guy and even took breaks in between intercourse (literally laying down and resting) before getting up again for another BJ to continue intercourse. Eventually he just finishes himself off by masturbating. He's recently suggested going on a 30 day masturbation/BJ/sex hiatus (as if we even have sex…) because he heard that will help "normalize" things…

I was curious if anyone else has experienced something like this or what your thoughts were about this issue.

[u/LifeAd7593]

Oh, what a way to end our first sex edition! As much as we love the comments hyping you up, we have to disagree on the advice to give up because he masturbates. In fact, we wrote a whole article about the magic of masturbation. With that being said, sex is all about communication, and we do think him taking a "break" might help. At the end of the day, listen to your heart and if he's really the one, this is just turbulence on the plane ride and not a life-threatening situation. Read the rest of the thread here.

[Image: Deon Black]